Aragorn and Elrond's Relationship

For me, one of the most heart wrenching parts of LotR is the relationship between Aragorn and Elrond (alright, there are a lot of heart wrenching parts, this is just one of them). I do not agree with comparing Elrond to Thingol, because the situations are completely different. However, I don't believe that everything was alright between them.

Then Aragorn, being now the Heir of Isildur, was taken with his mother to dwell in the house of Elrond; and Elrond took the place of his father and came to love him as a son of his own.

While the heirs of Isildur were fostered in Imladris, Aragorn was the only one Elrond raised and loved as his own. To their hearts, Elrond was Aragorn's father.

Then Aragorn was troubled, and he said: “Can it be that my mother has spoken of this?” 

“No, indeed,” said Elrond. “Your own eyes have betrayed you. But I do not speak of my daughter alone. You shall be betrothed to no man's child as yet. But as for Arwen the Fair, Lady of Imladris and of Lórien, Evenstar of her people, she is of lineage greater than yours, and she has lived in the world already so long that to her you are but as a yearling shoot beside a young birch of many summers. She is too far above you. And so, I think, it may well seem to her. But even if it were not so, and her heart turned towards you, I should still be grieved because of the doom that is laid on us.”

Grieve means “to cause to be sorrowful; distress.” Distress means “mental pain; anguish.” Still means “continuing now or in the future as in the past.”

Elrond is saying, that in both lineage and experience, Arwen is far above Aragorn. He also says that if Arwen fell in love with Aragorn, he would continue to be distressed by the relationship. This tells us that Elrond is already distressed by the mere possibility of a romantic relationship between Arwen and Aragorn.

“What is that doom?” said Aragorn. 

“That so long as I abide here, she shall live with the youth of the Eldar,” answered Elrond, “and when I depart, she shall go with me, if she so chooses.” 

“I see,” said Aragorn, “that I have turned my eyes to a treasure no less dear than the treasure of Thingol that Beren once desired. Such is my fate.” Then suddenly the foresight of his kindred came to him, and he said: “But lo! Master Elrond, the years of your abiding run short at last, and the choice must soon be laid on your children, to part either with you or with Middle-earth.” 

“Truly,” said Elrond. “Soon, as we account it, though many years of Men must still pass. But there will be no choice before Arwen, my beloved, unless you, Aragorn, Arathorn's son, come between us and bring one of us, you or me, to a bitter parting beyond the end of the world. You do not know yet what you desire of me.”

Elrond explains, and Aragorn starts to accept that Arwen is unreachable; but then his foresight kicks in, and he knows it is up to Arwen to choose.

Elrond's response is very telling. He refers to Arwen as “my beloved,” and Aragorn as “Arathorn's son.” Beloved means “greatly loved,” which makes sense. She is his daughter. However, it is Arathorn's son who might “come between” them. Not Elrond's son, Estel.

He sighed, and after a while, looking gravely upon the young man, he said again: “The years will bring what they will. We will speak no more of this until many have passed. The days darken, and much evil is to come.” 

Then Aragorn took leave lovingly of Elrond; and the next day he said farewell to his mother, and to the house of Elrond, and to Arwen, and he went out into the wild. - Appendix A

Elrond looks seriously at Aragorn for a long time, and finally ends the conversation. It's important to note that Aragorn leaves “lovingly.” There is no chasm between them yet.

When Elrond learned the choice of his daughter, he was silent, though his heart was grieved and found the doom long feared none the easier to endure. But when Aragorn came again to Rivendell he called him to him, and he said:

Grieve means “to cause to be sorrowful; distress.” Distress means “mental pain; anguish.”

The pain Elrond is feeling here is agonizing – and he has feared this very thing for almost thirty years. Fearing and knowing it was possible does not make it easier, in fact it makes it harder.

“My son, years will come when hope will fade, and beyond them little is clear to me. And now a shadow lies between us. Maybe, it has been appointed so, that by my loss the kingship of Men may be restored. Therefore, though I love you, I say to you: Arwen Undómiel shall not diminish her life's grace for less cause. She shall not be the bride of any Man less than the King of both Gondor and Arnor. To me then even our victory can bring only sorrow and parting – but to you hope of joy for a while. Alas, my son! I fear that to Arwen the Doom of Men may seem hard at the ending.” 

So it stood afterwards between Elrond and Aragorn, and they spoke no more of this matter; but Aragorn went forth again to danger and toil.

All extremely important, so we're going through it line by line:

My son, years will come when hope will fade, and beyond them little is clear to me.

'You are my son, and I love you. I cannot see the future, all I know is that this darkness is going to get worse.'

And now a shadow lies between us.

In this context, shadow means “a feeling or cause of gloom or unhappiness.”

'And now there is a painful rift between us.'

Maybe, it has been appointed so, that by my loss the kingship of Men may be restored.

Appoint means “to prescribe or ordain.”

'Maybe it is part of Eru's great plan, for the restoration of Men and the fall of the Shadow.'

Therefore, though I love you, I say to you: Arwen Undómiel shall not diminish her life's grace for less cause.

Therefore means “for that reason or cause.” Though means “despite the fact that.” Grace means “a temporary immunity or exemption.” Cause means “a reason.”

'Despite my love for you, I will only let Arwen give up her immortality if it is clearly a part of Eru's plan.'

She shall not be the bride of any Man less than the King of both Gondor and Arnor.

'Sauron must be defeated and you must reclaim the throne if you want to marry her.'

To me then even our victory can bring only sorrow and parting – but to you hope of joy for a while.

'Even then, there will only be anguish for me; but you will have the chance for happiness.'

Alas, my son! I fear that to Arwen the Doom of Men may seem hard at the ending.

Alas means “used as an exclamation to express sorrow, pity, concern, apprehension, etc.”

'The agony, my son! I fear so much for her.'

~*~

Technically, Aragorn broke his promise to Elrond (“You shall neither have wife, nor bind any woman to you in troth, until your time comes and you are found worthy of it.”) when he and Arwen trothplighted. Elrond does not seem to hold this against him, probably because the matter is too close to his heart for him to worry about technical 'he said, she said' from the past.

This scene makes it clear, though, that everything was not alright between Aragorn and Elrond. The last sentence is particularly telling:

So it stood afterwards between Elrond and Aragorn, and they spoke no more of this matter; but Aragorn went forth again to danger and toil.

So it stood between them. They will never talk about it again, but that painful rift will always be there.

That is particularly telling on a reread of LotR. Bilbo says that Aragorn “is often called” Dúnadan in Rivendell, and Glorfindel calls him both that and Aragorn. Elrond laughs at Bilbo's talk, and sends servants to find Aragorn for him; Elrond is also the only one who “knew fully what [the quest] meant” to Aragorn. Elrond also tells Boromir Aragorn's lineage, and does all he can to see Sauron vanquished.

Aragorn, on the other hand, says “still I return when I may” to Rivendell; and wishes for Elrond in Minas Tirith because he “has the greater power” to heal.

Elrond does everything he can to defeat Sauron, including sending aid to Aragorn, because it is the right thing to do. He would rather have Aragorn and Arwen marry than have Sauron win, and send the world into darkness.

I do not think Elrond ever stopped loving Aragorn; nor do I think he ever hated him. In fact, I think that was the most agonizing part about it – it is easy to hate someone and vilify them for hurting you, but to love them still is unbearable.

On my reread it stood out to me that Aragorn and Elrond never say goodbye. The parting of Arwen and Elrond is mentioned several times, and we see Aragorn's goodbye to Galadriel and Celeborn. But he doesn't say goodbye – or anything – to Elrond in that scene, and it is never mentioned elsewhere.

I think that, more than anything, shows it was still a gaping wound. It was so painful, and the rift between them far too big, for either of them to say anything.