Femininity, Femme, and Femmesexism

*This essay is part of my series on feminism. To understand it, you must have read my “Feminism Basics” intro.*

First we must start with a few definitions and go over what femme and femmesexism mean. I am not using terms that include [x]phobia/[x]phobic because systems of oppressions are not phobias, and using such language perpetuates ableism. However, some of the articles I quote and link to do use those terms. I am not disagreeing with the content of any of the articles, merely the terminology.

Femme: Is “a descriptor for a queer person who presents and acts in a traditionally feminine manner” (source).

Femmesexism: Is “the fear or hatred of all people and things which are perceived as femme, feminine, effeminate, and/or twink, regardless of their gender” (source).

Queer: “One definition of queer is abnormal or strange. Historically, queer has been used as an epithet/slur against people whose gender, gender expression and/or sexuality do not conform to dominant expectations. Some people have reclaimed the word queer and self identify as such. For some, this reclamation is a celebration of not fitting into norms/being “abnormal.” Manifestations of oppression within gay and lesbian movements such as racism, sizeism, ableism, cissexism, transmisogyny as well as assimilation politics, resulted in many people being marginalized, thus, for some, queer is a radical and anti-assimilationist stance that captures multiple aspects of identities.” (source; see more on this here).

Femme is just a queer feminine person. That's it. Queer and feminine are the only requirements. However, 99% of the articles on the web are about femme lesbians. There is nothing wrong with being a femme lesbian, but a large number of femme's aren't lesbians.

It is crucial to understand the nuances of femmesexism, because it is one of the biggest roadblocks on our way to equality.

Feminism Basics

*Trigger Warnings: We're going to be talking about bodies, sex, rape, murder, etc. Some “vulgar” or “explicit” words will be used.*

Hello, thank you for reading my essay. I am well aware that feminism can be a confusing, overwhelming, and touchy topic for society. There are a lot of misconceptions out there about feminism; and there are a lot of 'feminists' who promote sexism. What I want to do is talk about all of that. 

I'm American, and my main focus is on America. However, most of what I will go over is still relevant to the rest of the Western world. I'm also going to be quoting and linking to other people's articles. I may not agree with every single word or idea in them, but I agree with the overall point, or the connection I specify.

We're going to start off slow, and ease into things. That means we're first going to take a look at language and the definitions of different terms.

The Definitions of Healthy Love

This is a supplemental post to my Feminism Basics essay, and a companion post to my piece on defining abuse. There I go over the things not to do in relationships. Here I go over what to do, and what is truly important. Many of the articles I quote are focusing on romantic relationships; however the topics discussed in them are true for any relationship. Therefore, these quotes are relevant to everyone.

The Definitions of Abuse

This is a supplemental post to my Feminism Basics essay, but it can also be read on it's own. It is clear to me that there are a lot of people out there who don't understand what abuse is, and that breaks my heart. Therefore, I've made this post to defineit. See here for my companion post on what makes relationships healthy.

Tauriel is Tolkien, Not Token

I have already written extensively about Tauriel and the fact that the criticism towards her is both inaccurate and sexist. This post is to show how Tauriel fits perfectly into Tolkien's legendarium. It is a supplemental post to my Tauriel essay, for scene details please read that. Bold in Tolkien's quotes is my emphasis.

Kiliel: Interracial and Queer

Trigger warnings: mentions of assault, rape, and murder.

Those who know me know that Tauriel/Kili is my favorite romantic relationship, and this essay is about two aspects of it that are commonly overlooked.

Tolkien is known for his interracial relationships, and Middle-earth's history is fundamentally shaped by them. Many people have talked about how Tolkien explicitly and consistently condemns internal racism throughout the legendarium. The Fellowship is the most well known example, but there are many different examples of how great things always happen when the different races come together. Haldir summarizes it perfectly when he says, “Indeed in nothing is the power of the Dark Lord more clearly shown than in the estrangement that divides all those who still oppose him.”

Alternatively, many haters say that Tauriel/Kili invalidates the importance Legolas and Gimli's friendship because now Legolas and Gimli were not the first elf and dwarf to get along.

This is completely nonsensical. Legolas and Gimli's friendship was never the first. Elves and dwarrow have a long history together that began before the First Age (see here for a complete covering of that history).

This also ignores the fact that Legolas and Gimli's friendship only starts after Gimli's relationship with Galadriel; and that that relationship is part of an often overlooked yet fundamental part of Tolkien's legendarium – the majority of Tolkien's romantic relationships are also interracial, and most of them are explicitly stated to be divine order. All of them follow a distinct pattern.

Feminism and Love

*This essay is a part of my Feminism series. You must read my Intro before reading this essay.*

This essay is about our society's extremely dysfunctional and restricted view of love. You must be familiar with the terms on my terminology list to understand this essay.

I said in my Intro that, “I love love, I love the psychology behind love, and having healthy and loving relationships is one of the biggest priorities in my life.” Being a lover of love, I love love in all it's forms.

Though some progress has been made, the romanticizing and sexualizing of emotions, especially love and passion, is still systematically overlooked or denied.

Nothing is inherently romantic. Absolutely nothing. What makes something romantic is if you feel romantic attraction when you do it. That's it. Likewise, nothing is inherently sexual. Kissing, hugging, hand holding, cuddling, sharing a bed, living together, etc. - none of these things are inherently romantic or sexual.