Friday, January 1, 2016

Severus IS NOT Obsessed

* Originally posted 8/7/2013

I have talked about Sev's love for Lily before, the type and how deep and good it is. However, I just got blasted the other day (by a fellow H/Hr shipper, no less) for being naive and ignorant, ect. when I said Sev is not a horrible teacher and the DE's do not automatically equal evil Nazi's. They were also vocal that Sev never loved Lily, he just had an unhealthy obsession!

I'm here to debunk that. I've seen it before, and it makes no sense. So here are some quotes from an article on love vs obsession (yes, there are many more articles out there, I just picked one):

  • Getting too close too fast. This might include having your partner express feelings of deep attraction or even love within minutes of meeting.
  • Romanticizing the relationship on an almost fantastical level. (i.e. feeling that the love is deeper and more real than anyone else's, or that it is somehow magical and makes life possible)
We can't know for sure, but I don't think so.
  • Inability to apply reason and logic to the relationship (i.e. you know you are pretty incompatible or that your partner is cruel or even dangerous, but you choose to ignore the obvious signs)
  • Paranoia exists about possible infidelities, especially when you are not together. Over time, the paranoia may become even more illogical (i.e. accusations of infidelity with unlikely partners such as relatives, clergy, teachers, etc.)
Not at all.
  • You or your partner place multiple phone calls, and send several emails and texts on a daily basis and become agitated if they go unanswered for even a few minutes.
Again, no.
  • Driving by a partner's home, office or other frequented places hoping to catch a glimpse of them or catch them with someone else to validate feelings of paranoia.
  • Inability to focus on anything else, including work, because the obsessive relationship occupies all thoughts and consumes copious quantities of time. This might mean that even while at work one constantly tries to reach their partner by phone, sends emails, daydreams, writes poetry, takes long lunches to buy gifts or to stalk their lover, etc.
  • Feelings of confusion (i.e. I know I can't possibly be in love with them, but when why can't I imagine life without them?)
Still no.
  • Loss of sleep and appetite. Increasing feelings of anxiety and depression.
No, no signs of this.
  • Feelings of extreme depression and low self-esteem brought on when the relationship begins to suffer strains. This happens to individuals who allow their entire identify to become wrapped up in the relationship.
I guess someone could argue this, as she is really the only good thing in his life, but not really.
  • Inability to accept the end of the relationship. May believe that your partner really can't live without and still loves you even when they refuse to take your calls, ask to be left alone or even seek restraining orders.
No. Begging to stay friends right after a mistake does not count.
  • Belief that if you continue your stalking or obsessive behaviors, they will realize that they still love you and will take you back.
  • Manipulation of a lover through guilt tactics (i.e. If you leave me I'll kill myself; or half-hearted suicide attempts meant to gain attention and reignite affection and compassion rather than to actually harm oneself).
Not at all. He never lies to her (the branch doesn't count as it was accidental magic), never tries to control her (he starts saying "I won't let you" in a heated moment, but quickly backtracks), and never tries to manipulate her. So that is a big, resounding NO.
  • Dulling pain through use of drugs, alcohol or other self-destructive behaviors as feelings of rejection and depression become more frequent.
I don't think so, but we can't know for sure.
  • Promises to change oneself to please the partner. This may mean anything from changes in behavior, to changes in appearance, habits, interests, etc. At times, changes may even become apparent, but they are not likely to be lasting, so beware of such tactics.

So. We have just gone through an entire list and Sev meets NONE of the qualifications. I would ask people to stop saying things that the actual definition directly contradicts, but unfortunately I don't think that's going to happen.

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